im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
