I love having hate sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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