he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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