Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
