if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
