I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
