We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
