I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
