I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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