the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
