from now on my penis is your penis
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
