Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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