It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
