You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
