I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
