I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
