Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
