Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
