you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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