We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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