a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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