I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
