I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
