What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
