i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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