I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
