I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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