I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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