yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
