You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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