So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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