Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
