i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
