Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
