I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
