Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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