Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
