OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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