My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drunk is not a location!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
