I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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