She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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