i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
