I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My bed smells like the plague
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