I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
