My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
