He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
