It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
