he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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