he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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