Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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