I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
