Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
