Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
