Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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