just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
