I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
