I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
