Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
