Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
